I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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