1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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