WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
