Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
