My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
