Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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