You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
