My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
