The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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