yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I cut my penus on the lid.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
