Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
