That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
