Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
