Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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