im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
