I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
