Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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