She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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