she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
