That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize