So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
