How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
