I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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