i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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