the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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