I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
