Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
