Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
It's blow job season.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.