It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.