I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
