I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK