so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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