why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
