I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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