Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
