Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
