i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
no, he came in my armpit
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
