he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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