when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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