Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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