im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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