listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
