a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
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I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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