I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
