I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
As shirtless as possible
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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