Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
