The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize