based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize