You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
