someone threw a dead crab at me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
