i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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