the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
