I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
