I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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