you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
