Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
