Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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