yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
