Midget sex pt 2 tonight
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
