Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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