Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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