glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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