She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
