why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
