..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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