You just made me feel so damn special
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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