I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
