Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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