This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
