There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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