how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
