Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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