it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize