you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
