tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
