yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
