Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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